so this won’t be too interesting a post. it’s pretty much just going to be song lyrics, but this song’s been getting a lot of play on my cd player lately. well. not so much this week. but the week after i wrote my previous post it was. it’s a fun little song and it’s all about fatherhood, which i guess makes it relevant to the previous post as well. it pretty much sums up my desires for when i become a father and i think that every man should strive to give his kids the message that’s contained within the song. if you haven’t heard it, i highly recommend that you take a listen (specifically the “Live Stages” version rather than the studio version), not just for the words, but for the music as well. it really is beautiful.

the man who would be santa

and the man who would be santa slips into the room
and the hour of daylight’s yet to come but he hopes they don’t wake too soon
all the presents wrapped in paper and tied with a bow
the children sleep upstairs and santa works below
and he can hear the children dreaming

ooooo, la la la la la la

and the man who would be santa tells his son to write
and to call him if he needs him in the middle of the night
don’t you worry don’t you cry now you’ll do just fine
your mother and i love you
we think about you all the time
and he can see the train is leaving

ooooo, la la la la la la

and he says
all i want is for you to have
a life you love and live
take from me all i have to give
cause you are in my heart

now the old man sits and tells of days when time stood still
the hours always seem to fade but the memory never will
all the love that you gave me
all the dreams in the night
and i just want to thank you while the day’s still light
but i can see that sun is setting

ooooo, la la la la la la

and he says
all i want is for you to have
a life you love and live
take from me all i have to give
cause you are in my heart

so tonight was the first night where i’ve actually longed to have children of my own. now, don’t get me wrong. i’ve always wanted a family, and of course kids have always been a HUGE part of that family portrait, but i’ve never really longed to be a father until tonight. which is kind of a weird thing, at least timing wise, as thoughts of marriage and the future have been the farthest from my mind of late. but all the same, i found my thoughts today riddled with fatherly ideas. i guess this stems from the amount of reading i’ve been doing lately on a number of subjects. the most relevant, i guess, being that i’ve been reading a series of books that most would deem “children’s” books. and as i sat today, reading a few chapters, my mind just sort of drifted off and i imagined my future son or daughter sitting on my lap as i read to them. not necessarily this particular book, but just reading in general. i imagined how i would do different voices for the different characters, how i would read the narration with all the right voice inflections, and how my child would interrupt me to ask what certain words meant and how their facial expressions would reflect the ever-unfolding events of the story. anyways, as i sat thinking about all of this it kind of gave me mixed feelings. on one hand it kind of hurt that i don’t have that will have to wait what appears to be many years to have that particular longing of my heart fulfilled. on one hand i was pretty hopeful towards the future. like i said, family is probably the thing i look forward to the most in life, and i think i have a deeper appreciation and understanding now of what that entity will mean to me. at least in one small aspect of it. all part of the growing and maturing process, i suppose.

so i’ve been really challenged over the past couple of weeks on a number of things. and i don’t really know what God’s doing with my life right now, i just know that i’m excited about it, but pretty stressed at the same time. the first of these challenges is the challenge to find a new church here where i live. i’ve grown really complacent in the church i’ve been going to for the past two years and have been sporadically attending the last couple of months. this has been immensely frustrating for me. it’s almost like i don’t want to go to church at all. which is dangerous ground for me to walk on. and i’ve been really praying about it a lot lately and just kept getting more and more frustrated. so i made a decision to visit another church, and i think it’s the best decision regarding my faith that i’ve been led to make in a long time. i finally started to understand what the problem was, and why i had become the way i had become. i’ve been going to this church pretty much since i became a Christian, and it’s purpose in my life was no longer being served. i finally realized that i was no longer being fed, or at least fed enough to satisfy what my faith needed. i’ve matured in my faith so that i can do no more at this church. and to me that’s a really sad thing to come to realize. i don’t think churches should be like pediatricians, where you grow out of them at a certain age and have to find a new one. churches should be able to relate and feed people of all ages, and be able to adjust to their needs as new believers become more grounded and mature in their beliefs. church should be family. and that’s not what this church is. and i see that now. so i’ve started (meaning i’ve been there once) going to a new church to see if i can be satisfied there, and so far so good. so we’ll see what comes of this, but thank God for getting me out of the rut i was in. i was beginning to have a lot of doubts, but was graciously rescued from those.

a second thing that i’ve been really challenged about lately is what i’m doing with my walk. i’m currently reading a book entitled Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper. it’s basically an exposition of the OneDay 2000 talk he gave, if any of you have heard that. anyways, in this book he defines what he belives to be a waste of a life and what he believes is the greatest tragedy that exists today. now when you think of tragedy, his view is not the view that you will automatically draw up from your imagination. it’s not about planes, and bombs, and guns. to him, the greatest tragedy is, fittingly, wasting your life. that is to say, not doing all you can for the sake of the Gospel. he gives an example of a couple that retires in Florida and spends the rest of their days collecting seashells, playing softball, and cruising the waters in their boat. he then gives an example of a pair of women in their eighties who retired to Africa to help with humanitarian things over there and to help spread the Gospel of Christ to the unreached peoples. the first couple dies peacefully in their sleep, and the latter pair end up being killed in a car accident, and Piper asks which is a tragedy. well as you may be able to guess, he lists the first couple as living a tragic life, and the latter pair as living a glorious life. this made me really start thinking about what i’m doing with my own life. am i doing enough with it to not stand in front of God with only a shell collection to show for my life? granted, i’m only 22 years old and DO plan on making a career in ministry. but what if that day never comes? what if God calls me home tomorrow? or in five minutes? will God be able to say “well done, good and faithful servant” to me with a straight face? i hope that He will. and i pray that He will. but still i can’t help but wonder about all the “what ifs”. and i feel like i should make some claim to “from this day forward, always strive to ‘not waste my life’” or something like that, but i think that’s really silly. and i know i’ll never live up to that promise or claim because, afterall, i’m human. so all this to say that i’ve just been challenged by this recently. i have no profound answer to the questions i’ve come up with, i don’t have the key to “not wasting your life” or anything like that. it’s just something that’s been resonating in my brain for the duration that i’ve been reading this book. all i do know is that i don’t want my life to be a tragedy. and, God willing, i am going to do whatever possible to make sure that that doesn’t happen. until then………

so here’s something i’ve been thinking about lately. actually i’ve thought about it before. many times, in fact. but this time i just decided to write about it. i don’t get what the deal is with “cuss” words. at what point in history did “shit” become a bad word, while “poop” and “crap” (which mean the exact same thing) didn’t? now don’t get me wrong, there are some words i won’t say because of the social stigmas around them and because of the fact that i personally find them offensive. but would i find them offensive if i hadn’t been programmed from the beginning of my life to find them offensive?

another thing in regards to this. in Christian circles, many are under the delusion that “cussing” is a sin. now where did they get this, i wonder. true, the Bible says to avoid unclean speech, but this goes back to the original question. what makes “shit” more unclean than “crap”? is it merely the culture around us? if so, then why do we care what the culture thinks? aren’t we to set our eyes higher than merely what the people around us think about us? God sets no boundaries on what He deems “unclean speech” in the Bible (apart from taking His name in vain). the Hebrew Bible even uses the word “dung” many times throughout itself. what if Ezekiel had written “shit” in Hebrew instead of “dung”? would that somehow discredit the words even though “shit” may have not had the social stigmas back then that it does today?

personally, i wouldn’t consider using “cuss” words to be sin unless they a - take the Lord’s name in vain, or b - are said in a fit of anger. anger we know is a sin. saying “shit” because your angry is a sin. but if you say “crap” in a fit of anger, are you not also sinning? it’s not the word that makes the sin, it’s the motivation behind those words.

so i dunno. that’s just what i’ve kind of been thinking about today. and i know this was a lot of rambling, but that’s ok. you can deal with it. and like i said, there are certain words i won’t say. and it’s not like i use so-called “cuss” words rampantly or anything. i just have a problem with people (Christians, especially) who judge people because they use words that society has for some reason deemed “dirty” even though there is no reason for it.